don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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