he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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