Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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