he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
