No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
