I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
