If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
