I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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