the condom got lost in my hair
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
