Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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