wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
