I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
