Umm I'm too high to move.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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