I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
