There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
