i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
