A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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