Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
