he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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