someone threw a dead crab at me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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