I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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