no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
