dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
