The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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