Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
