she looked like the before picture.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
