apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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