dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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