You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT