Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.