I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
