I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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