I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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