We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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