; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
