matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
