Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
