I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
