so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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