I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i think i just lost a toe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
