Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
