what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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