Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
