you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I party with great urgency now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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