I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
