remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
too bad you live with your parents still
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
