Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
