OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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