his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
