it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
