ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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