My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize