What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
