Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
