Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
