well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We left an ass print on the piano.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
