i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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