I'm jealous of your bromance
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
