Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

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(562): View more from California

the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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(419): View more from Ohio

two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(567): View more from Ohio

i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well

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(813): View more from Florida

Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.

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