i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..