I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.