this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
