We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.