my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Your mankini haunted my dreams.