We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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