I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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