My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
