She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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