I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He passed out mid-signature
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
