I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
