I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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