The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
