another moral hangover. fuck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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