Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
