Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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