Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
