i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
