i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
