I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
