He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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