you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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