omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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