yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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